Bachmann Driller Overdrive

I should have known that when Michele Bachmann made her triumphant debut on the crackpot scene, she would be highly sought-after for follow-up crackpot interviews. (And while we’re on the subject — yes, I now see it makes more sense that she was referring to Jesus and not the flood. In my defense, once you’ve visited the Creation Museum, it’s hard to get the lessons out of your mind.) And sure enough, she’s back! Listen to what Bachmann has to say on non-Biblical subjects: specifically, drilling in ANWR.

“Goons!…Hired Goons.”

In this age of media saturation, why do people still think they can get away with their somewhat embarrassing behavior? Two years ago, it was George “Macaca” Allen; now DailyKos may have found a new contender in Washington gubernatorial candidate Dino Rossi. A dude was at an alleged Rossi conference until some of Rossi’s people noticed him videotaping the event and decided that was not acceptable. But instead of destroying the evidence of the suppression of his First Amendment rights — like a gentleman — the guy put the footage up online. (We put up some of the damning audio, too.)

The Colbert Bump: It’s Real!

Lord knows Stephen Colbert’s legions of fans ascribe to him a tremendous amount of political influence — but those are just crazy-ass fans, right? Well, yes: but it turns out they’re actually right. Wonkette reports today that, per the American Political Science Association, when Democratic politicians appear on The Colbert Report, they experience a 40% increase in donations in the month that follows. And why not? The man is delightful.

That’s A Lot Of Look

The accusation that a candidate is a flip-flopper is so ubiquitous that we have a whole collection of “Flip-flops” over at Entertonement. And now some enterprising fashion merchandiser has decided to take this trope and make an extremely literal translation: Electionflops. The look of the sculpted heads reminds me a lot of some candidate-themed products I saw for sale at a craft show on Columbus back in May; at the time, Hillary Clinton was also still represented, decorating toothbrush holders and paperweights alongside McCain and Obama. But as the item on The Cut, linked above, observes, even if you do think one or the other of the candidates is a dirty flip-flopper, are you supposed to wear your guy’s head on your shoes, or the other? If I’m a McCain supporter, why am I going around advertising Obama on my dogs? Maybe for the same reason McCain’s “attack” ads all seem to focus on how much America loves Obama as though that’s a bad thing.

How Much Free Money Does One Old Man Really Need?

Okay, Social Security isn’t exactly free money; John McCain’s been paying into it nearly his entire working life (since it wasn’t established until the second Franklin Roosevelt administration, after all, and HE IS HELLA OLD). But considering that he keeps shit-talking Social Security all the time, some have already commented that maybe he should stop accepting it. The whole issue has just come up again, with some of his old remarks on the subject coming back to haunt him, as retirees in Colorado are calling for him not to take Social Security if his opinion of it is so low. This is particularly bad timing for McCain given that Architectural Digest has just published a story on one of McCain’s NINE houses. It’s not even like he needs Social Security for beer money, since…you know.

Proof There Is No Math Test For Members Of Congress

So…back before his death, Jerry Falwell called out liberals for all the catastrophes humans have to suffer in modern times — particularly the abortionists. We get it: he believes in a vengeful, Old Testament God who’s getting ready to unleash hell on Earth for all the sorts of things He rails against in the book of Revelation. And it turns out that Falwell’s legacy lives on in at least one of our elected officials: Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), depicted at right reading what I’m sure is her second-favorite book. TPM reports that Bachmann recently gave an interview with the conservative news website OneNewsNow, casting aspersions on the House Speaker’s environmental efforts: “[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she’s just trying to save the planet….We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet — we didn’t need Nancy Pelosi to do that.” If you’re not quite solid on the event this noted paleogeologist (not really) is referring to: she’s talking about the Biblical flood as if it were (a) an actual historical event, and (b) one that happened possibly just a few years before the birth of Jesus. (And, lady, I don’t want to spank you for your knowledge of fake science, but I’ve been to The Creation Museum, and the Earth is 6000 years old according to that “school” of “thought.”

But also, doesn’t that statement sort of make it seem like Bachmann’s just straight given up on both the redemption of humanity and the possibility of reversing some of the damage we’ve wrought on the planet, and is now just waiting for the next flood so she can be Raptured out of here? If so: Minnesota, please don’t put her back in a position to vote on what’s going to be done with our air, water, or soil. Thanks in advance.

Drunk With Patriotism? And/Or Beer?

Last month, a secret video made the rounds, depicting George W. Bush at a fundraiser announcing that America’s economic woes were due to the fact that “Wall Street got drunk.” But now it seems Bush has forgotten that America even has any problems — and perhaps that’s because he’s gotten so plastered at the Olympics that he blacked out on them. Gawker has a tremendous gallery of Bush looking kind of wasted in front of the rest of the world (and his extremely embarrassed children). I think the backwards flag might be my favorite.

Chance Of A Two-Peat: Slim

Speaking of men whose poor choices ended up dooming their political careers forever: back to John Edwards. Gawker reminds us that the now-disgraced philanderer was named “Father Of The Year” in 2007 by some group or other. Related audio from his acceptance speech went up last week, but CNN went through the full clip and excised the most ironic and damning moments. See, this is why it never pays to be a hypocrite.

Happy Anniversary, Dear Failure!

Somehow this escaped my notice yesterday: it was the second anniversary of George Allen’s infamous “Macaca” gaffe. (Remember?) At first, I was like, “That was two years ago?” And then I remembered that I’d seen a report about the incident on CNN while on a treadmill, and I was doing very little of that last summer. It was actually after the treadmill recollection that I recalled that he was campaigning for (on his way to losing in) the midterm elections. Pre-Macaca, Allen’s name was bandied about as a possible Republican Presidential nominee. Were we ever so young? Anyway: happy anniversary, George. I assume you celebrated by doing something obscurely offensive.

Thanks A Lot, John Edwards

Your reckless affair is the reason I had to get a smart-assed email from my dad this weekend asking if I didn’t support you back during the primary. And that comes from a guy who’s living someplace that might go back to martial law any day now!